Tag: Still Small Voice

My Mother’s Journey

Posted on by Dorci

The following is an update on my mother and her life since I wrote my original testimony.

***

There are lyrics that sometimes come to mind when I think of my mother – “I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger…”

My mother tried to maintain some sense of normalcy in my early childhood. I see pictures of her looking radiant and beautiful on their wedding day, and she worked with the Phoenix Mountains Preservation Council and led our Girl Scout troop. 

At the same time she looked like an active, productive woman, wife, and mother, she was also playing with ouija boards, tarot cards, and seeing things none of the rest of us saw.  Her mind and personality began to change, or perhaps be revealed. At some point her health began to decline, and her past collided with the spiritual darkness she dabbled in, and it all came back to haunt her, and all of us. 

As a child, though, all I knew was my mother didn’t love me. By the time I was 17 and left home at her request, irreversible damage had been done to our whole family.

After I was saved several years later, I tried desperately to have some kind of relationship with her. I prayed for her salvation. I invited her to church and to a women’s retreat. But it always went horribly, painfully wrong. And I knew if I was ever going to have a chance to heal, I was going to have to let go of my desire to have a relationship with my mother. That dream would have to remain a dream. And so it was.

My mother had always agonized over tragedies she’d endured as a child, a teenager, and a young adult, but it was not that long ago that one of her sisters told me that as a child my mother had once purposely jumped in front of car. Something had been wrong for a long time, maybe from the womb. I do know she held a lot of pain inside her mind and heart. 

The longer I lived the more I came to understand the effect all that pain could have on a person, especially when that person doesn’t know Christ. And the more I walked with Christ, the more He gave me the ability to forgive her. And the more I was able to forgive her, and He began to heal my own mind and heart and fill them with His grace and mercy, the more empathy I had for my mother.

Then one early morning I got a call from my sister saying our mother’s health was severely declining, that she probably wouldn’t be with us much longer, and did I want to go see her? I opened God’s Word and prayed about it over the next hour or so, asking Him to speak to my heart and show me what to do. His still, small voice prompted me to go. 

We visited her in the assisted living place she now called home.  I sat on her bed in front of her with my new mind and new heart, and told her I loved her. She laid there and looked me in the eyes with a slight smile on her face. What little she did try to say my sister had to interpret.  I held her hand and we just looked at each other. She wasn’t throwing things, screaming, or calling me names. She was looking at me with love in her eyes. We were able to communicate a bit, and had a picture taken of the three of us. That day was the only good memory I have of my mother, and I am grateful the Lord allowed me to have it.

Though in the past she’d claimed to be a Christian, I never saw any fruit of it, so I continued to pray the Lord would have mercy on her. He knew the truth, whether she had ever been converted or not, and I trusted Him to do what needed to be done for the salvation of her soul. 

I was able to make a couple more trips to see her, once while her eyes were still open, and again after she’d slipped into unconsciousness. Still, I knew my God wasn’t limited to our state of awareness of this world, and I continued to pray.  I prayed the Lord would not let her go until she had received Him as Lord and Savior and was filled with the redeeming, sealing, promised Holy Spirit.

The nurses said she didn’t have much longer, yet she continued to live, and I continued to pray.  A trained hospice worker said she probably wouldn’t live more than 24 hours, yet she continued to live, and I continued to pray. Wherever her mind and heart were in this state, Jesus was there.  And maybe He had her attention more during that time than ever before. Over the next week I kept praying for mercy, for grace, and for saving faith to fill her. And then one day, she was gone.  

Only God knows what happened in those twilight hours, but I am trusting He heard my prayers.

And I am trusting that one day we will all be together again, perfected in Christ and filled with love for one another the way we were always meant to be, basking in the joy of Christ forever and ever.

For His Glory,

My Dad’s Journey to Belief

Posted on by Dorci

I thought I’d write an update about what God did for each of my parents in the years since I wrote my testimony.  I’ll start with my dad.

***

My dad wasn’t sick a day in his life.  Well, not in the physical sense.  I don’t remember him ever having a cold or a stomach bug.  Nothing.  But there was something hidden deep inside him, something even he would later be hard-pressed to articulate, that made him turn to alcohol.  I do know that he had a quiet, expressive soul, and that combination is a hard one to deal with.

Most days of my childhood I could smell the alcohol on him, except for the days he didn’t come home.  Still, he was kind and willing to listen when I needed someone to talk to.

I left home a month or two after high school graduation. The next time I saw my dad a couple of months later he had aged more than I thought he should have. After that I didn’t see much of my parents for a number of years until after their divorce, and I was able to talk to my dad again.

When I became a Christian, I wanted more than anything for my family members to be saved and our family restored. I thought about it, I hoped for it, I prayed about it. 

Sometime while I was away, my dad quit drinking.  He’d had an experience that frightened him and made him stop.  So without the alcohol, and without my mother, we were able to reconnect.

Both of us being chatterboxes, we’d talk on the phone for long stretches at a time.  We’d theorize and philosophize about everything under the sun.  And every now and then I’d try to work into the conversation my very favorite topic – Jesus. 

My dad would be struggling with something and I’d tell him about the One who knows how to untangle life’s messes.  He’d be hard-pressed to understand something else and I’d tell him about the One who gives peace.

I ‘d talk to him about salvation, I wrote him long notes explaining the way to salvation, and his answer was always the same: “I’m trying.”

I’d tell him “Dad, you don’t have to try, just believe in Jesus.”  Still, salvation hung in the air, ungrasped, year after year.  And during those prayers I lifted up for my dad, the Lord would sometimes speak in that still, small voice, letting me know that it wouldn’t be until just before his death that he would finally receive Him.

A few years later I got a call from my aunt letting me know my dad was sick.  The worst kind of sick.  He hadn’t wanted to tell anyone for fear they’d look at him or treat him differently.  I called my dad and we had a hard conversation. He continued to work until it was impossible.

It was May, and I got another call from my aunt letting me know Dad was in the hospital.  I rushed there, day after day, and sat next to him, holding his hand. His mind was already starting to go.  He didn’t know where he was or even what year it was. I kept praying and had others praying, too.

One morning someone called, I can’t remember who, to say he’d had some kind of seizure, or something. Our assistant pastor and his wife, our dear friends, graciously met me at the hospital.

There were no more seizures, and the funny thing was, he now knew what year it was. Pastor T went in to talk with him and when he came back out sometime later, he said he’d asked my dad if he wanted to pray to receive Jesus, and my dad said yes. Grasped.

Almost immediately after that, he was a candidate for hospice.  One never knows if a hospice bed is going to become available, and if so, how long it will take.  But one opened up almost immediately, and the one God chose was perfect.

It was in a home with a beautiful garden. If there was anything my dad loved, it was gardening.  He loved the soil (don’t call it dirt!), he loved earthworms, he loved planting.  We used to say that once he was able to retire from civil service he should work at a nursery. He would have loved it.

My family, my sister and her family, and my aunt, uncle and cousin sat outside among the gardens eating together for Memorial Day while the hospice workers looked after Dad. We wished so much he could have enjoyed the beauty with us.

The next morning I got a call at 6 am from one of the hospice workers saying he probably didn’t have much longer.  I quickly dressed and drove the several miles to get there. 

I walked into the room and my cousin was standing by his bed, telling me he had just passed. His beautiful blue, tear-filled eyes were still open. I had just missed him.  Still, I held his hand again, and said, “I love you, Daddy.”

My Heavenly Father had, in a miraculous way, kept His promise.  Whatever that seizure was, God allowed a moment in time for my dad to be aware, and our friends to be there at just the right time, so he could believe in Jesus and receive Him, and I could have that assurance.  That was just five days before he stood before the Lord, washed clean of his sins, and was welcomed with open arms. The peace and joy that had always alluded him in this life was now his forever.

I think about the day I’ll see him again when nothing, and no one, will ever separate us again, and I thank my Heavenly Father for this most precious of gifts.

Eternally Grateful,

 

 

The Day God’s Word Saved Me from Myself…Again

Posted on by Dorci

 

“For the Word of God is alive and active. ” Hebrews 4:12

It was a Thursday morning and I was in the middle of work when the phone rang.  It was my sister calling out of the blue. Our mother’s health had suddenly deteriorated and my sister wanted to know if I wanted to go see her.  I hadn’t talked to my mother in years.

Well, there was a brief and difficult conversation we’d had several months before.  The Holy Spirit had nudged me a number of times over the course of a couple of weeks to call my mother.  What if she didn’t want to hear from me?  What if she didn’t know who I was?  He kept nudging so I gathered up the courage one day and called her.  She knew who I was but didn’t understand everything I was saying. I was able to tell her I loved her, and she told me she loved me, too.  That was basically the extent of the conversation. But God knew I needed to both say it and hear it, and so did she.

I told my sister I’d think about it for a few minutes and call her back.

I grabbed my Bible, walked away from my desk, sat down, and prayed.

What if she didn’t want to see me?  What about work? What about the appointment I have scheduled this afternoon? And what about all those vacant years of not having her there, of not having a mother?  Do I go see her after all that?

I opened my Bible, to what I didn’t know. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular. I didn’t have time and my thoughts were swirling. I just wanted to hear from the Lord. The pages fell and I started reading.  One column…and another…and another.  I looked up, asking the Lord again, “What do I do?”

And suddenly it came to me – this is not about me.  This is about her.  All she had in the world, besides the nurses and other residents, was my sister and me.  If I were dying I’d want my sons there, and I knew our mother would want both of us there, too.

I called my sister back and we went.  I sat with my mother for hours as we looked each other in the eyes in a way we never had. Because of Jesus, I was now able to look at her through eyes of grace. Her words were harder to understand now, but I smiled at her and she smiled back. We hugged goodbye and again said “I love you.”

I was able to visit her a few more times in the month after that.  The communication became less and less until that last time when she couldn’t open her eyes or speak at all.

They say the hearing is the last thing to go.

I’m thankful that one of the last things she heard were her two daughters, talking and reminiscing and laughing. I pray that brought her joy.

I know I wouldn’t have gone to see my mother had I not taken the time to sit with Jesus and read His Word. There was nothing specific in my Bible reading that morning that had to do with what He ministered to my heart – that the visit was not about me, but about being there for my mother.  Still, reading it somehow opened a conduit for me to hear what He wanted to say to me. I don’t fully understand it, but His Word really is active and alive.

My mother died exactly one month to the day after that first call from my sister.  Because I prayed and opened His Word, God gave me the gift of one month of good memories with my mother.  I know they were good memories for her, too, and she deserved that.

We don’t have much time these days.  We’re all so busy that finding quiet time seems impossible, and it may seem like there’s just not enough time to read. The thing is, we don’t have time not to read God’s living Word. 

Reading His Word is not just about reading another book.  As Christians, it is our breath, our life.  It is the primary way God’s chosen to let us hear His heart beating and to hear His whispers of love and wisdom. With it He will give us answers to questions that come out of the blue, and make sure we don’t miss something wonderful.  He will make us a light shining for a dark world, and for someone whose days are dimming. 

He will reveal Himself, come near, and our hearts will beat as one.  

 

It Ain’t Over ‘Til It’s Over

Posted on by Dorci

“Never stop learning.”

“Keep learning.”

“Don’t give up learning.”

I must have heard this admonition at least three or four times over the past couple of weeks.  Heaven help us if we ever come to the place where we think we have it all figured out.  Or that we’re too old or too young or too busy, or too anything to learn new things.

There is no where that is truer than in our walk with Christ on our journey through life.

God is always speaking, as long as we’re listening.

In Peter’s second letter to those living in faith in Christ, he writes:

“For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge,  and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.” 2 Peter 1:5-7

Faith is not a badge we put on at the moment of conversion as if the race were over and the rewards already given.  Faith is the starting point.  Then, with our faith in hand, we run the race.

Virtue

Live with high moral standards.  That is a daily, conscious effort in this morally-declining world.  Up is down, right is wrong and wrong is right.  But we know where to go to cut to the chase and find the absolute truth, and that is always God’s Word.

Knowledge

God tells us in scripture that we are to grow in the knowledge of Christ, grow in the wisdom and knowledge that Christ gives, and, interestingly, that husbands are to live in an understanding (knowledgeable) way with their wives.

Self-control

The more we allow the Holy Spirit to rein in our hearts and lives, the more we will learn to restrain ourselves from the things of the world that create division from Him, and vice versa.

Steadfastness

This is a cheerful, patient endurance through all our trials, ever-increasing in hope that through it all our God is molding us into the image of His Son.  We learn to wait – to wait for direction, to wait for discernment, to wait for rescue, to wait for healing, to wait on our God and know that He hears, He loves us, and His timing and ways are perfect.

Godliness

Simply, less of me and more of Him.

Brotherly affection

Daily we are to grow in our love for our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Love

This is agape, the highest form of love. It is the pinnacle of sacrificial, unconditional love that puts ourselves on the alter to serve another.

To grow in these godly qualities takes a willingness to be humble.  It takes being able to admit when we’re wrong so we can repent and grow.  It is taking regular stock of our hearts through scripture as the Sword “penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” (Heb 4:12) 

It takes walking out of the shadows into the bright and baring light of Christ and letting Him examine us, burning off those ungodly traits through the fire of trial, and knowing that those same flames burn with His love and grace and mercy and forgiveness.

Why? Why do we want to do these things instead of just coasting through life, knowing that we have salvation at the end of it?  Peter tells us in the next verse:

“For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”  2 Peter 1:8

I don’t know about you, but I want to be effective.  I want my life to count for good.  It was used for enough pain and sorrow before Christ graciously invaded my life.  I want to learn and grow and trip and get back up and try again, trust more, pray more, yield more, love more. 

In this one life I get, I want Christ to have His way in and through me. I want to learn the way of my Master and be prepared and unashamed when I meet Him face to face. 

But it won’t come by osmosis.

So I take the faith handed to me by the Holy Spirit, and together we run…

Grace and Peace in Abundance,

 

Halfhearted Won’t Do

Posted on by Dorci

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  Jeremiah 29:13

Have you ever had someone come in the room and try talking to you when you’re in the middle of watching tv?  You try listening to what’s being said but half your attention is still on your show.  You end up either missing what’s going on on the tube (that’s what we called it in the old days – the “tube”), or you miss most of what was said, and you end up nodding your head, pretending you heard, or you have to fess up and say “What did you say?”.

God says we will find Him when we seek Him with our whole heart.  Why?  Why can’t we seek Him with part of our heart?  Because then the rest of our heart is seeking after something else, or many somethings else.

Our attention would be divided, and our God’s is a still, small voice.

He has visions to give, wisdom to impart, paths to share, but He won’t compete with the world.  He won’t compete with us. There is room for only one throne in the heart of each person.  If we’re on it, God can’t be.  But when we get down, all the way down, get rid of the distractions, and let God have His rightful place, then we’re in the position to hear Him.

Then we’ll find Him.  And that’s where the real treasure is. 

Grace and peace,

How to Find the Abundant Path

Posted on by Dorci

Here we are, standing at the beginning of a new year with countless paths before us, each with their own forks leading into valleys, mountaintops, hushed wooded groves, deep waters, blue skies.  Some would lead us closer to God, some further away. So how do we know which ones to take?  Which paths are the Lord’s, and how do we follow Him on His paths of abundance?

There is a way which seems right to a man, but the end of it is the way of death. Proverbs 14:12

There is a way which seems right…..

Too many times we make decisions based on what seems right, on what we feel at the time.  What we feel one day we may not the next, and making a decision based on our ever-changing feelings – or as the world might say, following your heart – can be disastrous, and lead us down a path full of snares.

So.  If we can’t make a decision properly based on what seems right to us, how do we know what really is right?

The word abundance in Psalm 65:11 is the Hebrew word deshen which means “the fat; figuratively abundance; specifically the fatty ashes of sacrifice.”

Genesis 4:4 talks about Abel’s offering to the Lord.  “And Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering..”  Abel didn’t keep the first or the best for himself, giving the Lord his scrawny leftovers.  He brought the best of the best to give as a sacrifice to the Lord, and the Lord accepted it and the proof of His acceptance were the ashes.  The sacrifice was acceptable and good in the sight of  God.  It was a bountiful, generous, overflowing, richly abundant banquet between the Lord and Abel.

Fast forward a few thousand years to the hill of Calvary.  There is a cross, and on it the lamb of God.  God’s very best given as an acceptable sacrifice for our sins.

This Offering was an abundant, sufficient, once-for-all Sacrifice for our sins.

Only this Sacrifice was raised again on the third day and now lives to make intercession for us to the Father.  From Him all blessings, wisdom and direction to the very fullness of our sanctification lies with Christ.

Oh my dear friends, the abundant path is Christ Himself.

As you walk through the year, keep your eyes focused on Him.  Remember, this life is not about things, it’s not about climbing an imaginary success ladder, it’s about an ongoing, intimate relationship with our Abba Father.  He created us for fellowship with Him. Talk to Him and practice listening to His voice. And as you move through this life and aren’t sure which path to take, remember that He will never tell you to do anything contrary to His Word.  He IS the Word.

As you go, you’ll need to hold onto a few things.

Faith in God.

Not faith in circumstances, not faith in people, but keep your faith where it belongs: on the God who loves you, who hears your prayers, and is in the process of answering them according to His will  and His timing.  Never, ever give up.

Trust in God.

Trust is faith in action.  It’s where the rubber meets the road.  When God tells you to go there, or do that, will you trust Him enough to be obedient, even when it’s hard or even seems impossible?

Hope in God.

Hope will sustain you when nothing makes sense. Without it our souls wilt, we give up and we either make decisions in the flesh and move in the  wrong direction or we’ll stop moving altogether.  None of those will have a good outcome.  But hope will keep us encouraged, patient and joyful.

Love, for God and His people.

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”  1 Cor. 13:1-3

“The end of all things is near. Therefore be alert and of sober mind so that you may pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:7-8

We have such a short time here on this earth.  If all we do is wrapped up in the holy love of the Lord, we will leave a legacy that reaches further than we can imagine, and we’ll lay up treasures in heaven that no one can fathom.

And what is true love?

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”  1 Cor. 13:4-8a

That is the abundant life.

In His good grace,

How to Pray

Posted on by Dorci

Now it came to pass, as He was praying in a certain place, when He ceased, that one of His disciples said to Him, “Lord, teach us to pray, as John also taught his disciples.”  Luke 11:1

It was a wise request, and we would be wise to ask it, too.

So what did the Lord say?

“When you pray, say:

Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be Your name.
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us day by day our daily bread.
And forgive us our sins,
For we also forgive everyone who is indebted to us.
And do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.”
Luke 11:2-4

A lot of people take this instruction literally, and this is the only prayer they pray.  But God doesn’t want us to just recite words; He wants our hearts. Prayer is not getting God to do what we want, but it’s a gracious open door of communication so that God can show us His will and change the rhythm of our hearts to beat with His. Jesus gives His disciples, us included, a peek into God’s heart through this prayer.  So let’s unpack it just a little a bit and see how we are to pray.

“When you pray, say:”

This word prayer means worship.  Prayer is not a time to jump in, ask for a bunch of things, and leave.  It’s a time where we enter into worship of the Most High God.

“Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be Your name.”

These two sentences are very telling.

Jesus introduces the radical notion that we have the privilege of calling God our Father.  He is closer to us than some impersonal God “way up there.”  He loves us as a parent loves a child (and even more) and when we go to Him in prayer we can be assured that He hears us and will provide us with every good thing.

At the same time Jesus reminds us our Father is hallowed, or holy.  He is not like our earthly fathers.  He is sacred, pure, blameless and righteous.  Any fears or emotional baggage we may have because of our earthly fathers do not apply to our Heavenly Father.  We can trust Him.

Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.

The word kingdom means rule, a realm or a reign.  Now that the Holy Spirit has come, we who have put our faith in Christ have the privilege of knowing God not just from the outside, but from the inside.  And to properly worship God in prayer we must continually give Him permission to rule our hearts.  It’s so easy to take back the reins, if you will.

As we give our hearts to be a kingdom for God to reside, we’ll want His will, not ours.  In heaven everything happens God’s way.  There is no sin.  It is filled with the glory of God and all He is.

In Isaiah 55:8-9, God tells us “’For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,’ says the Lord. ‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.’”

God’s thoughts, desires and will, are all so very different, so much higher than our own.  And when we pray that God’s will be done here on earth like it is in heaven, that’ll mean He’s going to shake things up a bit, and it’s going to start with changing our hearts.  Are you willing to let God do radical things in and through you?

“Give us day by day our daily bread.”

God doesn’t give us what we’ll need tomorrow today.  He gives us what we need today today, so we need to go to Him every day.

Not only do we need to get physical bread—food, and even on a broader scale, physical or material needs–but we need spiritual bread.

Most of us would never think of going a day (or even a few hours!) without eating.  We need to be spiritually fed as often.

“And Jesus said to them, ‘I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst.’” John 6:35

Jesus is our sustenance.  As we remain in Him, He will bless us with everything we need.

“And forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who is indebted to us.”

When we hold unforgiveness (or any sin) in our hearts, whether we’re resisting repenting of our own sins or forgiving someone who has sinned against us, we put up a wall between us and God.

“But your iniquities have separated you from your God; and your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He will not hear.” Isaiah 59:2

Ask God to bring to your mind those things you need to specifically repent of, and the people you need to forgive.  There are times that past, hurtful situations come to my mind and it’s easy to sit and stew in the anger all over again.  But those are divinely-inspired opportunities to forgive someone who may have slipped from our consciousness, but God knows that anger is creating a root of bitterness, and He brings them to our minds to give us a chance to forgive.  We may have temporarily forgotten, but God hasn’t. He knows the destruction it causes in our hearts.  Remember, forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling.

“And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.”

This literally means to rescue us from the evil one–the one seeks to steal, kill and destroy.  We’ve repented of our sins and the last thing we want to do is rush right back into sin through the temptations we face.  We need discipline and as we hold onto the Lord, He will give us the strength and courage we need.

The concise way of saying all that is to remember ACTS:

Adoration – praising God for all He is
Confession – repenting of, or turning away from our sin
Thanksgiving – thanking God for all He’s done, all He does and all He will do
Supplication – presenting our needs before the God who owns the cattle on a thousand hills

This is a good guideline to get our hearts right as we enter into worship so we don’t get a case of the “gimmes.”  You know, give me this and give me that.

The National Day of Prayer uses this acronym:

Praise
Repent
Ask
Yield.

And just as important as knowing what to say, is knowing how to be silent.  To sit before God and let Him speak to our hearts is a precious gift indeed.

God bless you as you pray,

 

 

 

Go with the Flow

Posted on by Dorci

We didn’t have much of a chance to talk when I was growing up, but later my dad and I would talk for hours.  We were both thinkers and we’d each spend way too much time in our heads trying to work out our problems.  We also both shared an inclination to write things down.  And when one called the other, all those thoughts that had been swirling around in our heads or maybe even made it onto paper, spilled out into our conversations.

We took turns, comparing notes, collaborating, solving the world’s problems since we couldn’t seem to solve our own.

I knew a little bit about the difficult life he’d had, and he knew a little bit more about mine.  Being my dad, I know he wanted to help me.  I don’t know much more of a helpless feeling than to be a parent who can only stand by and watch a child suffer.

He saw me flailing, struggling, and it was as if he were watching me from shore with no boat and no life raft of his own to share with me.

So he’d call out to me the best advice he could give: “Go with the flow.”

“Yeah, I know.”

But fighting came easier somehow.  It was instinctual.

They say if you’re caught in a riptide, swim with the current, parallel to the shoreline, until you’re safe.  But most people fight the current.  They use all their strength trying to swim back to shore in direct opposition to the powerful and relentless current, and many don’t make it.

Go with the flow.  Accept.  Yield.

Paul the apostle put it like this:

“Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.  I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:11-13 NAS

For God’s sons and daughters, He is that current in our lives.

He blows the winds of circumstances where He will, and to fight them is to fight Him, and no one wins fighting God.

But when we accept the circumstances of our lives as coming from the hand of a loving, all-powerful, all-present and all-knowing Father, we can, with Paul, learn the secret of contentedness, and trust Him to carry us to safety.

It seems to me at this moment a happy coincidence that my dad’s name was Paul, too.

Whether centuries ago or just a couple of decades, truth is truth, and somehow the Lord in His mercy, knowing full well that one day he’d give his heart to Christ, gave my dad what he needed to get through the storms of his life.

I didn’t get it so much when my dad was giving me his advice years ago.  I was younger then and still had the energy and stubbornness to fight.  But I’m getting it a little bit more these days.  God’s patience and many trials have worn me down.   And I’m glad. All that flailing was blocking the voice of God. Now I’m learning to be still and listen.

There are days I wish my dad had lived long enough to be able to read what the other Paul had to say about “going with the flow” in the light of Christ.  To have the chance to take that thought one step further and know that it’s more than just tolerating life’s trials.  That in Christ he could find strength and even joy in the middle of those circumstances, and even grow through them.

Most of the time, though, I rejoice that my dad was able to escape the suffering of this life and receive his reward just five days after he let Christ into his life.

If he were still here, he’d be 76 today and still trying to figure it all out, just like I am.  But he is home now, and he is ageless, living a life more contentedly than he ever imagined.

I wonder if the two Pauls have met yet.  I can just see them, sitting together, comparing notes, but this time without a care in the world.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

Love,

On Waiting

Posted on by Dorci

“Show me Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth, and teach me; for You are the God of my salvation; on You I wait all the day long.”  Psalm 25:4-5

I sat at the intersection waiting to turn right.  There was a boy standing on the corner next to me, violin case in hand.  We both stared at the same red light.  As the light was about to change, traffic had let up and ordinarily I would have jumped at the chance to take my turn. I saw the car behind me and knew the driver would be impatient.  But I waited the few seconds, knowing the boy would step into the intersection any minute. The light turned green and I waited for him to cross.

HONK!!  

I looked in my rear view mirror and saw that look sprawled across her face.  That angry, disgusted, I-have-somewhere-important-to-be look.

The light is green, why don’t you go?

My car and some trees kept her from seeing the boy.

I don’t know if she ever did see him and realize her impetuousness, or if her attitude had gotten her so twisted up and focused on herself that she missed him altogether.

I can be that way sometimes.

I can get that look.

Maybe not always on my face (although I’m sure that happens more than I’d want to admit), but it’s on my heart.  And God sees it.

When I’m waiting for the painful circumstances of my life to change, when I’m waiting for an answer to my prayer, when I’m waiting for someone else to MOVE!

I become impatient. Impetuous.  Rash.  I move when I shouldn’t.  And I make mistakes.

I forget that I’m waiting on God, the Author and Finisher of my faith.

All good authors take time to get the details just right.

And God is a good author.  The best, in fact.

So He waits for circumstances to line up the way they need to be.  He waits for my attitude to change.  He waits for other people around me.  He waits for the timing to be just right.

But I don’t always see what He sees.  Almost never, in fact.

Much of the time I’m so focused on myself and my immediate wants that I can miss the fact that God is doing a work, not just in my life, but in my heart, and even in the people around me, and that takes time.

So He waits for me to look up.

“To you I lift up my eyes, O you who are enthroned in the heavens! Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maidservant to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the Lord our God, till he has mercy upon us.” Psalm 123:1-2

Our waiting is not without purpose.

We look to Him, waiting patiently, expectantly, on a loving God to use the circumstances of our lives to mold us into the image of His Son.

We watch Him as He reveals truths, teaches lessons, grows our faith.

We wait and let Him bring us to maturity.

Sometimes the waiting is short and sometimes it’s long.  Very long.  Sometimes the consequences are small, and sometimes they’re bigger than we ever imagined.

I remember another story about a woman in a car.  A woman who loved the Lord with all her heart.  A woman who became impatient.  She sat in traffic behind a row of cars, and she was in  a hurry.  The lane next to hers was a lot shorter, and she was tempted to take it.  She heard the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit telling her to wait.  But she was in such a hurry.  She ignored the small voice and listened to her own.  Quickly she changed lanes to get ahead, but what she didn’t see was a boy crossing the street.  Before she knew it she had hit him.  He died of his injuries.  As I watched her interview, she was overcome with grief.  The thing is, she hadn’t done anything that any of us wouldn’t do.

But God saw what she didn’t, and He lovingly, patiently, tried to warn her.

Just like He tries to warn us and teach us.  The question is: are we going to listen?  Are we going to be the sheep who walk off a cliff, or who hear His voice and follow Him?  (John 10:27)

We think we know what’s best, but we don’t. Only God sees the future.  And He has much to say to us, to show us, to teach us, if we will only look up and listen to His still, small voice.

Are You Still Wrestling?

Posted on by Dorci

“Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.”  Ephesians 6:10-12

The closest I’ve ever come to a wrestling match is breaking up my boys when they were little.  They never wrestled angry, just for fun.  It’s a boy thing, I guess.

But the second I was saved, I faced a wrestling match of a spiritual kind.  Whether I acknowledged it or not, I was on the mat, and my opponent was out for blood.

He still is.

He knows every trick in the book and he’ll use them to his advantage.  He knows my weaknesses, he knows when I’m tired, he knows when my attention is on something else.

But I think his greatest advantage is coming at me when I’m nowhere near the ring.  When I’ve let down my guard, and he looks less like an opponent and more like a movie everybody else is seeing that somewhere deep inside I know I shouldn’t, or that shiny thing I can’t afford, or an attitude I think I’m entitled to.

Do I wrestle then?

Do I go to God in prayer and fight the temptation, or do I just give in?

Maybe I assume that if everybody else is doing it, it must be okay.  Or, I might think I don’t want to bother God, because, well, I really, really want to do it.  Or have it.

So, just like I think I’ll trick my body into ignoring the calories of a strawberry cupcake if I eat it really fast, somehow we believe God will turn a blind eye if we do this one thing really quick.  It’ll just a take a minute.  Or a couple of hours.

And before we know it, satan has us pinned.

Theoretically, we know scripture says there’s a struggle with the enemy.  The question is, are we struggling back? Are we fighting to put aside our own will and certainly the enemy’s, and seeking God’s will for us personally, or have we given up the fight? Have we assumed certain things are okay because everybody else, even other Christians, are doing it?

The enemy is ruthless in his efforts to defeat us.  He’ll fight dirty, he’ll fight hard, he’ll simply wait until we’re too tired to keep fighting back.  Until the world around us is screaming “Barrabas!” (or at least trying to blend in with the crowd) and we don’t want to be the only one screaming “Jesus!”

Don’t let the enemy defeat you by stealing your convictions and shoving you into the world’s compromise.

Calories are calories, and God’s truth is the truth.  Period.  He loves us too much to turn a blind eye.

Who knows, maybe God wants us to have that particular shiny thing. But He most definitely wants us to ask.  He wants us to stand with Him and when we do, He’ll be in the ring with us and we can’t lose.

The goal in wrestling is to gain a superior position over our opponent.  God tells us how to do that:

“Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.” Ephesians 6:13

Whatever you’re dressed in today, make darn sure you have on the full armor of God.

And be prepared to fight.

 

In the love of Christ,