So, what do we do until then? What do we do until the day we see our Lord face to face and He makes all things right like I talked about last time? Life is unfair and full of injustices. Small ones, big ones, some as big as tidal waves. And they can hurt and wound and leave us bleeding. They can scar our hearts into a hardened mass that can’t (or won’t) feel anything.
Just like God’s given our bodies the ability to heal, He’s also provided a way to heal our hearts – forgiveness.
Now, you might be sitting there thinking, “Right, she doesn’t know what that person did to me. There is no way I can forgive that.” And you’re right, I don’t know the particular ways you’ve been hurt, and you’re also right on count #2, you can’t forgive them. Not completely. At least not on your own you can’t.
But I do know a little bit about forgiveness, and I’m going to tell you my story and how I was able to forgive the unforgivable.
I came to know Christ as my Savior when I was 26 years old. And yes, that was longer ago than I’d like to think about. I was radically saved, filled to the brim and overflowing with the Holy Spirit and joy and excitement and desire to do God’s will.
I sat in my spot in church two times a week (three during women’s bible study season), and soaked up every teaching. After a while I began to notice one particular theme that stuck my heart every time, and that was of forgiveness, and that it was a choice.
I knew there was something from my past that had wounded me deeply and the Holy Spirit began to speak to my heart telling me that I needed to forgive this person or the pain of it would severely affect my heart, my family, and my life.
Several years before, I had been raped. Grabbed off the street by someone I didn’t know. The nightmares and heightened awareness and fear of my surroundings haunted me. Classic PTSD. How could I forgive that?
Of course, in my flesh, I didn’t want to. I couldn’t. But I was determined to do God’s will. And if He was convicting me to do it then He must know I can.
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25
If I had truly been forgiven, saved, and filled with the Holy Spirit, then the power to forgive lives in me through the Holy Spirit and He would give me the ability to do it.
So I began to sit on my bed, time after time, and pray. I prayed out of sheer obedience to my Lord. “Lord, I choose to forgive that man. Please help me forgive Him.” The words came out of my mouth, prayer after prayer, as if by rote.
And about the third or fourth time I prayed that prayer, I suddenly heard myself saying “I don’t know what I’m doing by not forgiving Him.”
That, my friends, was the Lord. It was His Spirit, His power, His ability to forgive, answering my prayers, honoring my willingness, and forgiving him through me.
And suddenly, I felt it. I felt like I had forgiven him. God had moved from my head into my heart the realization that any unforgiveness I chose to hold over him was only hurting myself, my family, and my life. It was done.
The nightmares began to subside, and so did the involuntary jerking of my head to the left whenever I saw something move in my peripheral vision. The PTSD has lessened, but I can’t say it’s completely gone.
There are just some things that make a mark on our souls that won’t be completely healed until God rids us of our mortals bodies, along with their wounds, and clothes us with the immortal.
I’ve had lots of other opportunities to forgive since then. Praise God nothing along those same lines. But here’s the thing: whenever I hear another teaching about forgiveness, or I’m praying to forgive wounds, thinking about all the hurts that still need to be forgiven, that particular wound never comes to my mind. Ever. It’s done.
It’s so done that I’ve been able to pray for that man’s salvation, knowing that he is created and loved by God just like I am.
Forgiveness is the balm that heals the scars of our hearts.
Yes, it was wholly unfair. But what the enemy meant for evil, God has used for good. He’s used it to teach me about forgiveness; He’s used it to give me more compassion for people who are hurting, and I pray He’s using it now as I write this and then as you read it.
I pray it gives you courage, through the power of Christ, to forgive the unforgivable. No, healing may not come quickly. Forgiveness is often a process. But keep praying, in faith, so that you can exchange pain for His glory, and grief for His joy. If you need prayer, I would be more than honored to pray for you.
I pray that what the enemy meant for evil in your life, you will, by choice, through obedience, let Him use it for good. And in doing so, we share in the sufferings of Christ, becoming even more bonded to Him, knowing just a little bit about what He did to forgive us.
Grace and Peace,
